The King is Dead

R.I.P.

An ode to a smellness man...

To the ice cream sundae, a cherry on top
To the atheist, Jesus is everything
To the Republican, Obama
To the peg-leg, shoes are everything
To Ms. Bristol, a carni
To Jay Buhner, a Marty and Joe are everything
To Dad, a puppy
To the T-bone, a pocket-shockIT is everything
To TejasChaos, Oklahoma
To McCahill basketball games, elbows are everyting
To Krispy Kremes, T-bone
To a child size t-shirt, the Eddie is everything
To Christopher, the sun
To Eddie, hands are everything
To Patty, tall
To a Kagarbage face, a sweet potato is everything
To Molly, anything athletic
To using the force, a nerdy Joey is everything
To the Joe, the Maura
To the Maura, the Joe
To the JoMaura, babies are everything

-To outdoing SECRETZ, the Kdogg, mb, and p-imp are everything

Sports Sunday

I just wanted to let everyone know that for the last few Sundays, and hopefully Sundays for the rest of the summer, Kevin and I have been coming into the suburbs to participate in sporting events. It really is a drain to come out, but we hope you will all be able to join us, at least some of the time, in playing ultimate frisbee and hopefully softball. Our current plan is to schedule for 4:00 PM at keystone park each sunday, but this can be flexible depending on everyone's availability.

Hope to see you there.

TBone's Note

I read a story in the paper today about President Obama writing a note to excuse a 10-year-old Wisconsin girl from class while she attended his town hall meeting in Green Bay. Here's the note:

I thought that this was pretty awesome, and, honestly, I quickly became jealous of the little girl, who said she was going to frame the note. I think TBone must have read the same paper, and got some ideas of his own, because I found this note next to the basement computer while I was at the parents' house:

Scouts Inc.

So the Sox play the Brewers this weekend in an interleague series. Although the Sox and Brewers used to collide at County Stadium, and the White Sox even played a handful of home games in beer city in the late 1960s, we here at the Mccahillfamilyblog (MFB) don't get to see much NL action, and need some inside information. I happen to have made a secret interview with a fledgling NL scout, and now have enough details on the Brewers to assure a three game sweep. We turned to a long time Brewers fan, “The kid who ruined the Bristol Softball Game circa 2001” (KWRBSG) Here is a transcript from that meeting:

MFB: Wow it’s been awhile, I barely remembered you, but when I thought about it, you sure did ruin that softball game.

KWRBSG: Sorry pal, I don’t know “softball”

MFB: What do you know about?

KWRBSG: I will fill your hair with lice

MFB: That’s a little strange, let’s move on to the reason we are here. You are a resident of the state of Wisconsin, or the South of the North as some would call it. With that comes cheese fingers, your tail, and a passion for the Milwaukee Brewers. Give us some insight on the team.

KWRBSG: Prince Fielder is big and likes to hit home runs. Ryan Braun is one of the best young players in the game, and I love Suppan. Suppan is almost as fun to watch as it is for me to throw the softball into the woods when I am playing right field.

MFB: Thanks for the tips. Did you ever find that ball?

KWRBSG: Absolutely not. I didn’t even look for it. I then grabbed the bat and swung it at some little kids.

MFB: Oh yeah, I remember that. You also demanded to pitch for 3 innings, and hit Melissa overhand.

KWRBSG: I was drunk.

MFB: You sure were a rascal that day. Is the bullpen a strong point for the Brew Crew this year.

KWRBSG: Definitely. The Brewers signed all-time saves leader Trevor Hoffman in the offseason, and since he began playing in May, has absolutely solidified an already strong pen. The Brewers are looking to build on their performance last year when they survived a shaky September to make the playoffs for the first time since the 80s.

MFB: Wow, you really are a good scout and an awful, awful softball player and person.

KWRBSG: You got that right MFB. I once burned down a neighbor’s garage because he didn’t call the dropped third strike rule in a friendly slow-pitch game.

MFB: Now that’s just ridiculous. You think there is any chance of you coming back to Bristol to ruin another game this year?

KWRBSG: Can’t in jail.

MFB: All right. I am going to cut off the interview right here. Please take care of yourself and try to never come to softball games again.

-MFB Staff

It's Time

I was watching the Sox lose again to the Tigers last night. Konerko got hurt. It's raining today. They are delayed. I remember the the 16 years. I remember that big swing and long stare down of the pitcher. I recall the biggest strikezone on the team getting the most walks, and most hits too. Bring him back in September? Why don't they bring him back now. Play him at some DH, some bench, some PH, some 1B if he's up for it while Uncle Paulie's hurt; why not?
He's the best hitter the team has ever had. He finished in the top 5 in the AL MVP vote in 2006, not 1995, but just three seasons ago. Bring him back. Have some fun. The team could use another bat.

another book report i handed in for my children's lit class this past spring...

This Doctor Does Feet!!!

Written and illustrated by the one and only Dr. Seuss

Produced by Random House in 1968
22 Pages of fun finky feet

Five questions and answers for the author (a fictional piece)

“So Doctor, what inspired you to write a book about feet?”

“Well, you see, your feet, my feet, and his feet and those feet…. They’re all unique feet, so why not write a book about their feet?”

“And the illustrations… they seem kind of abstract. Why didn’t you just photograph a bunch of different people’s feet?”

“My feet, see your feet, up the street and down the street. You sir, are not the sir, that I would, prefer to eat.”

“Ok then, I guess that doesn’t really answer my question, how about this… what’s with your name “Dr. Seuss” … clearly you aren’t a doctor.”

“Well, Dr. Seuss, once saw a moose, and in his use, of being a moose, he asked me why not call yourself Dr. Seuss?”

“Have you ever taken any illegal drugs Dr. Seuss?”

“I see red without being fed, I see blue when there is only you. “I’ve smoked green things, because it made me think fun things. So I ask you strange mister, have you ever chanced upon some fun things?”

“We’re just about out of time, I was wondering if you could tell me where the door was?”

“What’s a door, don’t you want more. I’m Dr. Seuss, I’m on the loose!!! I can catch you, if you can find me, I can lose you, if you don’t want me, but what I really want to know sir, is how did you get in here? Purr? My cat in the hat will show you the door, and please, if you‘re thinking about it, come here no more.”

Spring Book Report Redux

I am going to offer a different take on this book report thing. It just so happens that I read the same Chopin book this spring that letigre did. I will offer this competing review of it below:

Frederic Chopin - Son of Poland
Later Years
Written by Opal Wheeler
Illustrated by Christine Price
Produced by E. P. Dutton and Co., Inc 1949, 151 pages

“The people of Vienna sat as in a dream, watching the sad-eyed musician … as he told them in melody of his beloved homeland.”

Another picture that these words could caption:

Wait for it.....

... a spring book report....

Frederic Chopin - Son of Poland
Later Years
Written by Opal Wheeler
Illustrated by Christine Price
Produced by E. P. Dutton and Co., Inc 1949, 151 pages

A different picture for these words…

“The people of Vienna sat as in a dream, watching the sad-eyed musician … as he told them in melody of his beloved homeland.”

*SECRETZ*

*SECRETZ*

Maybe a few of our readers are familiar with the very difficult task that encumbers every McCahill a few times a year: finding a gift for our father that he will like. As an illustration for those who don't know, we will recount a story for you. When Marybeth was a mere 6 years old, she saved every penny from the couch/piggybank/Chris's dresser, and was very proud to purchase an UNO deck for a Christmas present for our dad. On Christmas morning, MB was beaming as she watched her dad unwrap the present. To her dismay, our father opened the present and declared "UNO? I hate UNO," and chucked it aside. She cried well into February. Other examples include several instances of presents never making it out of its wrapping, and years later being discovered, unopened, unenjoyed, and untouched (sometimes regifted, sometimes regifted to Dad himself, to similar results).

But the *SECRETZ* staff has struck gold with a solution to this problem. Every winter, our Dad is known to spend countless hours obsessing over the art of sidewalk maintenance. After casually brainstorming we came up with the idea of giving him an ice pick. Realizing that an ice pick is a really lame gift, we decided to take a cue from one of America's heroes, Tim the Toolman Taylor, we decided to give him something with more power. A BLOW TORCH (argh argh argh argh). Picturing Dad melting ice with a roaring flame put a smile on our face, and it sure would put a smile on Father's face. Surely we found that a blow torch would make our problems melt away.


Then, our foresight caught up with us. The other Tom in the household has also been semi-responsible for clearing the sidewalk, but his history is a little more checkered. There were several instances, deserved or not, in which Tommy, during a sidewalk clearing expedition, took hold of his tool as a weapon of destruction. In good faith, we could not put a blow-torch in the hands of such a foul-tempered shoveler. Tommy once hit Erin in the head with a shovel in response to some teasing and a snowball. In his defense he claimed that it was okay because he "only hit her with the corner of the shovel". The *SECRETZ* team researched extensively and determined that a blow from the "corner" of a shovel would still hurt like hell, and perhaps hurt more than a blow from other areas of the shovel. Regardless, however much it would hurt or not hurt to be hit with a shovel, it would more than hurt to be assaulted with a blow torch. Sadly, Dad will not be receiving a Blow Torch for any holidays this year.

The one interesting possibility for Tommy wielding a blow torch would be in his next title match against Snow Pillow. Snow Pillow has now defended his title a record 32 times, but with this weapon in Tommy's hands, he would be sure to have a fighting chance.

*SECRETZ*

*SECRETZ*

PRESENTZ EDITION(Z)


One of the main focuses of the Secretz staff is to reveal secrets about the family. One of the most common secrets that the McCahill family members keep deep in their dark hearts is what they are going to get for their siblings for birthdays and other celebrations. We have to announce a Spoiler Alert because this edition of Secretz is going to reveal a present that our young feminist sister Patty is going to be receiving later this year. We found out that Tommy is going to be getting Patty a venus fly-trap for her birthday this year. When we noted to Tommy that Patty’s birthday is not until next March, Tommy exclaimed “When you find a present this fitting, you just have to hold on to it. A penus fly trap would be perfect for Patty”
In related news, it seems that Tommy may have secured a position working with the Chicago White Sox as a peanut vendor, if you see him, ask him to try out his “call” on you, as he is working out what his “pitch” is going to be.

In another spoiler, KEVIN WILL BE GETTING FIREWORKS FOR HIS BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR.

*SECRETZ* will return with more PRESENTZ SECRETZ SOON(Z)

It was a beautiful, warm summer day. Perfect for ditching work and going to the ballpark

WTF

...some things that i love about where i am from....